It's Stream of Consciousness Sunday and I have a brain to dump all over the page.
Father's Day is difficult for me. I have 2 fathers and, at the same time, no father.
As an adopted child, I have one father who gave me up. As the adopted child of a suicide victim, I have one father who gave himself up.
It's difficult not to internalize those two situations. Difficult to not take it personally, especially on the day that celebrates fathers.
I did a post about the surrogate fathers I came to know through my first 2 husbands (wow, that sounds bad) and I truly meant exactly what I wrote. But somewhere in my heart of hearts, I really would have loved to have a father who chose me; who chose to stay.
Maybe in my next life.
For now, I simply have no choice but to try and understand that Father #1 did what he felt was best for me. And, heaven knows, suicide is not about those who are left behind. It is about the incredible emotional pain that seems to have no cure but by ending the life that holds that pain.
That one I understand. And battle with - every day.
God bless our fathers - they do the best they can. Some succeed; all leave a memory.
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post to this week's here.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.